Choosing My Path

Why am I turning a great opportunity down? Why am I turning my back on a second chance? These are the things I’ve been asking myself for two months now. I have talked about (very little) going back to school. I didn’t mention that I was planning on finally getting into the family business.

Image from Finkstrom

You see I come from a family of professional medical practitioners and dentists. I guess one could only expect an offspring from a big family of such to also take the same path. From the get go, my family probably thought I would either become a dentist or be a doctor of some kind. But here’s the thing, when I was a kid, I hated going to the dentist (my own parents or siblings). Didn’t like them using any form of instrument that makes whirring sounds and putting it in my mouth. No siree. I most definitely hated going to the doctor or getting confined in the hospital. I was a sickly kid. Probably because I wasn’t breastfed at all. Not a single ounce. The sight of blood makes my stomach turn.

So I took the path of Communication and Arts. Completely opposite from what I was born into. I loved studying communication. And I loved even more that I was able to show and improve my skills in the field. I knew when I was little I was the creative kind.

Here I am directing an indie film for school.
Making a speech at a benefit concert I have done with 2 friends featuring the best bands in the country.

But now, I have overcome those fears. I’m no longer scared of getting my teeth checked or have anything taken out or done with them. Anesthesia is my friend. And no longer am I afraid of blood, or getting an IV, or whatever. Ever since I went through labor and giving birth (though CS), I figured nothing else can beat that amount of pain. And if anything else that hurts more than I have endured, it can probably kill me instantly.

I have graduated from school nearly 4 years ago (next year will be my 4th year out of the den). Working from home so I can take care and watch as Jacob grows up to be the best kiddo in the world (sorry, I’m his Mom I’m very, very biased!). Earning enough to be able to live a comfortable life, spend a little for luxuries, and save for my kid’s future. I have no complains really. I love what I do, I am comfortable in what I do, and I am damn great in what I do.

I love this boy!!!

If I can have it my way, I’d just stay home, be a home-maker. Care for my young kid/s. Cook for my husband. Enjoy life with my family. That’s my ideal scenario. I’d be perfectly happy should I be out of the workforce and just tend to my little family. Not that I’m lazy (I probably am, or would love to be), but I feel perfectly happy 100% without a doubt happy, if I can just be with my family and focus my attention to them completely. But then again, we don’t live in an ideal world and we all have to work to provide for our family. Nonetheless, I am still praying for that day where I can just pop out babies, love them to bits, raise them as good Christians, and be with family.

Mom and I after the graduation ceremony.

Now here we are, almost 4 years since getting out of school, I am given the opportunity to study again. To finally pursue a career in dentistry. Be part of the family heritage. Continue on my parents’ hard work. Be one of them. It sounds oh, so, good. Anyone given this chance would not blink an eye and just go for it. I feel bad for turning my back on this second chance, really.

If I do/did become a dentist, I handle my own time. I can be my own boss. Continue our family’s significance in the industry. Instead of working for someone else, possibly 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. So many things that make studying that short 5 years sound like easy as pie.

So what path am I taking? Possibly the one opposite being a professional dentist, again. I may regret this decision, yet again, in the future. But I really do believe in my heart that I cannot work on something that I am not whole-heartedly passionate about. The studying part will be easy, I’ve done it before. But my heart is not in it.

I may be stuck for the meantime working from home, but that is where my joy is. I get to see my child wake up. I’m not rushing out of the house. I get to play with Jacob when he wants to. I get to be a good wife to my husband (cook him his favorite food from time to time), and make sure our home is perfect for us.

Maybe in the future, I can study again. Preferably in Physical Therapy or Occupational Therapy. So we can live with my sisters in the US and I can provide therapy to people there (I enjoyed visiting my sister’s PT clinic and love her patients to bits). It’s a definite maybe. In the future. If He allows it.

But right now, I’ll stay where I am. Doing what I love to do and what I’m best at. Who knows, maybe I’ll launch my dream business in a few months or so. I still have some major planning to do if I do decide to.

So all I ask now from God is for Him to free me of any guilt, any regrets, that I know that I have. I pray for more contentment and happiness from what I am blessed with. I am truly blessed. I have a roof over my head, food on our table, a beautiful family, a husband with never ending patience support and love for me, friends for keeps, and a passion that doesn’t stop burning.

Wishing you all a very happy Tuesday!

EDIT:

Thank you so much for the kind comments. I got teary-eyed reading them. I feel more empowered now. I love you readers!

Comments 24

  1. rhonda

    I love the way you expressed this. I can see how passionate you are about your family and your plans for your career. I think, with the way you are seeking Him, you will make the right choice There is no way you can go wrong by taking your time, staying in prayer and in tune then moving only when God moves you. I wish you the best. You will do wonderfully either way 🙂 thanks for sharing

    1. Roxi Santiago

      Thank you Rhonda. I’m sure like all Moms, this is a big dilemma and we always find a way to make both work.

      It’s all up to Him now. So far, since I have let go of my guilt and regrets, I have gotten two new job interviews that will allow me to stay home and still work!

      Lots of love,

      Roxi

  2. mail4rosey

    I’m a firm believer in if your heart’s not in it, move on to what your heart is into. Life’s way too short to not be happy when we can.

    Good luck w/any decision you make!

  3. Kenya G. Johnson

    “Lazy” is just an unfortunate stereotype pinned on SAHM – clearly you are far from that and should never let pass your lips again. Keep praying about it, but through this post I feel you already know the answer – I hope you stay on the path that you feel in your heart is yours to chose. Best wishes!

    1. Roxi Santiago

      Oh, Kenya. Your comment made me tear up really. You got it spot on. I believe my prayers have been answered and I have finally found peace. Thank you for your kind words!

      Love,

      Roxi

  4. Nova Cruz | The Family Woman

    Beautiful reflection sis!

    I think it’s all about knowing your life purpose. They said it’s the intersection of your passion and potential. When you get hold of it, don’t ever let it go. Whatever it is, only you who knows.

    Sometimes your life purpose is hard to distinguish, even if it’s already staring you in the face.

    But when you find it (if you haven’t yet), I say go for it. It’s your contribution to the world, a mission that God has tailored-fit for you.

    May God keep on enlightening your path.

    1. Roxi Santiago

      Thank you, sis Nova. I think I was just surprised by the second chance that is being offered and got confused because I already know what I want but something ‘better’ is offered.

    1. Roxi Santiago

      Thanks, Irene! My husband brought that thought on the table when we were discussing my dilemma. He said it’s just the two of us, if not me alone, who can say that we are successful and not by other people’s standards.

  5. gina valley

    It is very difficult to make life decisions like this. But, I think you are wise to consider your heart. God made you uniquely you. He has a plan for you that is just for you. He will reveal it to you as you listen over time.

  6. Kimberley Reyes

    I can really relate to this post! A lot of people (especially my parents, sadly) look down at my work from home job. They say I don’t earn enough and that I’m wasting the money they put into my education. Some even said this is just my excuse for being lazy to get a “real” job. I guess what they don’t see is the joy of being with your child 24/7 and caring for your family first-hand.

  7. Anj

    I was definitely in your shoes 9 years ago when my son was born. After marrying my husband straight out of medical school, I decided to take a year off. I took the boards, passed and applied for residency. But my heart wasn’t in it. And taking pediatrics and being surrounded by babies and kids everyday made me realize what I really wanted – my own baby. So I quit residency and was a full-time, hands-on mom. The happiest years of my life. 🙂 I finally felt ready to go back to residency when my son was 2 years old, but this time I chose a residency program in dermatology so that I could be home at the end of the day (a happy good-bye to being on 24-hour duties every 3 days!). I don’t think we ever regret the decisions we make for our children. Always listen to your heart, Roxi. It leads us down the right path.

    1. Roxi Santiago

      I’m glad I have someone who can relate to what I’m going through. A bunch of my friends might be thinking I just passed up on the opportunity, that they’d be happy to be in my shoes, but they just don’t understand. I know I won’t regret this decision because I am finally at peace and happy. Thanks, Anj! Are you practicing dermatology right now?

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